Swapnonil Express

Siddhant Mahajan has just come back from the coffee break that lasted for almost 21 minutes, much longer than he expected; he was mulling over many thoughts while sipping the hot cuppa. Along the aisle of many cubicles while he was returning to his seat, he could notice, his Manager was taking his name to address something urgent. But to the contrary of popular opinion, he stepped back; he went back for a smoke break, as if the coffee break was not enough!!

That is Sid! His habit of going against the grain is deep inside him now. He knew why his manager wanted to talk to him. It was to inform him about the news of his promotion to the next level. But he was not excited about this. Sid has already made his mind to resign, not for better career prospects; but to take the road to self-actualization. He seeks something out of his life, but he does not know what that is; he believes, unless he discovers that, he will not become happy in life. And happiness for him is peace of mind.

“I have to break away from everything now", looking the vanishing smoke Sid thought. In fact he had. He is willing to throw away all his everything now. A blossoming career of good 7 years; his friends he used to hang out and his beloved Anjali with whom he dreamt of spending his life together. She had broken up with him, once she became aware of his decision to shy away from the common path.

“Get married to your self-actualization", those were her last words to him, while leaving in the midst of a dinner they had a few days back.

His friends have already dubbed him a psychopath. Several stood by, but eventually vanished.

Sid was aware of all the repercussions of his actions. "After all, sacrifices are to be made", he asserted to himself. He was not happy to lose people like this; but then he was not happy with everyone around him either, this way!

In no time, Sid applied for a week leave alongside his notice of three months.

“Would you care to tell me?” his boss almost yelled," That what had driven such insanity in you".

“As I mentioned Deb; it is entirely personal. And it is well thought out; I want to be on my own", sipping the seventh cup of coffee for the day Sid continued,” I know it looks foolhardy; but I have to do this".

He left for the day early, and without realising how much he drove; almost 30 to 35 kilometres while making it to the Wazirabad Bridge over Yamuna River. He suddenly reduced the speed so as to feel the river flowing, endangered by the latest summer spike and rainy season. He has been residing in Delhi from the last 10 years now; he felt this is the first time he has come closer to nature; at the very moment he thought even the proximity to nature is artificial now as there was a bizarre cacophony in the surrounding created by the noise of vehicles and nature's fury. Or that was nature's reaction to the endless human atrocity on it.

It was 7 in the evening, though the Sun was about to set; its orangey glow gradually diminishing; the current of Yamuna glowing to perfection, exuberating a beautiful sight for Sid. To enjoy the sight, he first tried a Marlboro light; the smoke however was acting as a deterrent to the nature’s presence by the river bridge; the casual touch of the wind on his cheek and on his fingers giving him the same irksome experience when he unknowingly pointed his cig to his thumb and pressed tightly; Sid felt nature’s vengeance over his smoking; At length, he threw the cig into the river, as if releasing the bone of contention from his life. He tried to think through; when he left for Dehradoon in the evening, he had no plans; he felt like his school days touching him back, during those times he was as careless as he is today; without goals and mission; hopeless and retarded out of sordid expectations.

“How will I explain to Maa and Dad”, the sound of fury in the concerns of his parents echoed to him which surpassed the tranquillity of the beautiful evening nearby the river. “Perhaps I will tell them that due to recession in US, my entire team was laid off”, while contemplating this lie, he passed on a smirk to himself, that he had a proven track record of being a lousy liar. At the same time, one thought sloshed through his mind, along with the dipper of a car passing by, “We can so easily let the truth out to our friends; but the moment we think about our Parents and Family, we take the bypass”, Sid was fearful about his actions; more so he did not have any alternative plan to justify his actions. He could not decide a planned agenda for his parents; he resumed driving, with the hope that his parents will understand his situation and support his actions, which was in fact a consolation he tried to derive out of his inability to draw any well thought agenda.

Sid continued driving, along the road through Ghazipur Border, he touched NH 58. It took almost 45 to 50 minutes to cross this distance on account of heavy traffic and the roads that give the commuters a bumpy ride; this despite paying tolls and taxes! This brought to his mind various images of his own life; “A ridiculed ride so far”, he said. He was not able to make out, whether he was referring to his drive down the highway or the ride he had taken so far in his life. He thought, so far life has taken him to a ride;

He tuned into the radio; some oldies were being aired; he started thinking again; about his life! He would rather give his life a ride, with clear knowledge and conviction. But till then he seemed to be having left his purpose somewhere. I want to regain my purpose of living! “To salve my credit and for very spite”, verses of Paradise Regained surfaced his mind. He shrugged his qualm, thinking! Before regaining it; one must go through losing the paradise once.

Driving for another 45 minutes, he stopped to have something on a roadside dhaba. It was around 9:30 in the night. Had he been accompanied by some of his compatriots for this ride, he would have halted for some drinks and dinner; now as he sleuthed such company for a reason, he must not lament losing their fun-frolic presence. That was a theoretical mid-summer night; with a slow wind blowing; the incessant honking of the trolleys and buses travelling at a speed much above the allowable limit was criss-crossing against the wind; the result was a irritating music to the ears; couple of unsummoned lightening and the increasing strength of the wind just jolted the food he ordered for his non-ceremonial dinner. The mineral water bottle which was open felt down and made the gravy of the yellow dal watery. He hardly cared; the passerby Sardarji gave a gaze and smirked at him. He just further winded out his cig ashes. The moon shied away that night; kept to itself and was letting the occasional lightening enjoy the glow.

His cell buzzed; it was his mother! “Why did you have to drive in the night?” she questioned his guts, “Tomorrow is a Saturday, you could have easily put off for tomorrow”, his mother echoed a concerned voice, which has been of course a routine during any conversation with Sid. The only child; so the family reservoir of love was harboured unto him with splendid spate of luxury.

“Maa”, Sid paused and could not speak. After rebutting self-control, he continued, “I am coming back; I am coming back home; I am coming back for good”, he had to use three different expressions to convey that he had left the big city of his dreams.

“Arrey; that’s okay baba! We can discuss that tomorrow; but tell me why you sound so pathetic?” that was again the heart of a mother which does not listen to logic or facts. For a moment Sid felt so good to hear the excitement in the voice of his mother, which was primarily driven by fear. But it took no time for him to realise that he just stole his mother’s sleep for that night. So he decided to restore the status-quo back by saying, “Nothing Maa! I was missing you guys so much. I just got tired of the city hoopla.” After sending her mother’s concerns packing, he hung up and continued driving.

Another 2 to 3 hours drive will lead him to his home town. He never wanted to leave his home town in the first place. “But stupid love”, he exclaimed in haste. In one off trips to Mussoorie, which was just a 50 minutes ride by bike from his home, he met Anjali who was travelling from Delhi with her friends.

It was an unusual stroke of destiny that they both met.

IN SEARCH OF A RAM SAHAI!!

How long can one carry innocence? well ask a mother who carries a baby!

But if today is learning and tomorrow is wisdom, then definitely, yesterday was a dismal day of ignorance. The journey from a yesterday to a tomorrow can be long. It could take an age to travel that.

You need a Ram-Sahai, who by holding your hand, illuminating your mind can give you respite to your curiosity. A Ram-Sahai, is basically a teacher. Of course, he/she/it can take different forms. For instance, Newton found the imprint of a Ram-Sahai in the form of an apple, which made him derive the law of Gravity.

The creation or obtaining a Ram-Sahai, needs your devotion and your desire. You need the urge to fail; because then a Ram-Sahai can lift you up. An inclination to experiment is a must; I was once told, even a Ram-Sahai had failed many a times before becoming a Ram-Sahai himself!!

I knew a boy of 30 years now, who at the age of 24 found a Ram-Sahai. At that tender age he thought that Love is Platonic. It flourishes like the blossoming flower, in the mind; to purify it and give solace to the soul. Like the blank pages before a book being written and published.Well, in practice though, that wanna be Romeo understood, that 'A Romeo can be a Romeo in the play, a Juliet can be a Juliet in the past and Love can be love in theory'. In recent times, love is symbolic of a need satisfier, barter like system which has all ramifications, except off the heart..The learning lesson for the boy came from Ram-Sahai herself, his beloved!!

King Midas got the Midas touch early, but he got his learning lesson later. It took the defeat of all qualities and the emergence of greed which took over everything. Everything turned to Gold with his touch. A touch of greed. Greed was his Ram-Sahai!! Similarly, the goose that laid golden eggs was the Ram-sahai for the poor fellow. Greed took over his goose!!

Our telecom minister Raja saheb, thought that 2G was a boon from the blue to him. Now resting at the Tihar Jail, he must be contemplating that 2G is indeed was his Ram-Sahai!!

In our life, we all need a Ram-Sahai. We spent our life with it or keep searching for it..

Note: Ram from Ram Shankar Nikumbh of Taare Zameen Par and Sahai from Black!!

Time ticks the Tommy Way!!

Your birthday is an occasion when you often fall short of words. This is because the wish queue is long in general; even if there are only a few wishes, you will definitely find it hard to find a good way of acknowledgement. You actually feel good; sometime get carried away.

Nevertheless, the quench for a new update or a sms or a call never ends. For after the end of the day, life becomes normal; routine takes charge and you are no longer special.Or you stand on the other side of the table, wishing someone else and making him/her special.

In that special day, which is the most special thing for you? In my case, it is the mid night of 22nd, when I anticipate, who will be the first one to wish me? Many a times in the past, I never used to get calls.But from the last few years, I have been getting a regular call exactly at 12 from someone(This time though, I did not receive it..lol).

Sometimes, it had also happened that I used to call dad at 12 am(when I never got any calls from anyone), that I am making Black tea now to celebrate my bday.He would sigh and pray for me.And that too in his sleep..Lol..

Reminiscent of all past years that have gone by, I wish to reproduce here some moments which have made me very elated and kept me longing for those moments. Just one caveat though, these moments are not in order of preference. Each one is equally special to me. I will try to revisit those on a chronological order.

When I was in my 8th standard, on a lazy morning (My mornings are still lazy), of a 23rd Jan my mom gave me a rose with Chai. That was my first tete-e-tete with Romantics. Till then I never knew the essence of a rose..I felt like mom was giving her permission to go get my love..Well, I was too tender and shy. I put it alongside the pages of a romantic novel. And hoped for the best..

Another moment which I still remember happened several years after that. That was during the starting of days Management studies. On a not so happening 23rd January, filled with cold wind that made my heart and the afternoon tremble with fear. I was fearful because I was about to propose the girl I love for the second time.(First time I did over a call from my cell while travelling on a bus..so was not effective..lol)..I waited her for at a Barista outlet at Bunglow Road, New Delhi. I welcomed her with a Cappuccino I ordered for her. She was cold in the chilling temperature of Delhi. While she was warming herself with coffee, I dared to propose to her once again. To my surprise, it made her smile. I thought, this is it. She nodded, but in the negative..I knew that I spill coffee on my hopes. She took a leave with a heavy heart. And I, not used to drinking end up having many cups of hot Cappuccinos. And the affair with Cappuccino is still growing strong. Cappuccino was a good birthday gift after all. lolz.

While I was in my first job, my team also celebrated birthday when gave me a grand treat. Everyone was saying good things about me. When my boss's turn came he said with a big laugh, " I think he is the most stupid boy I have ever seen, but I trust him blindly". That saying made my moment very special. A candy floss moment for me.

Another 23rd Jan evening. That was a weekday. I invited my friends to celebrate it at my place. They all arrived at 11:55 PM in the night and by the time I could taste and spill cake on everyone's face, it was already 24th Jan. It was funny as I waited for all day, and nobody turned up. That made me lonesome. I discovered something in my loneliness. I started describing my day on a diary. That was a day I started writing. I developed my liking for writing. It has grown as a passion now.

Two years ago, I was in my deepest sleep and suddenly was awaken by the voice of my dad at the mid night of 22nd Jan, when he said "Happy bday" and gave me coffee mug. Some moments make you cry and that was one that rolled my tears down dad's shoulders when I hugged him in joy.

Last but not the least. I call it the Tommy Hilfiger moment. I was passionate about wearing a Tommy watch one day. I never discussed this to anyone. But I have one username by the name of Tommyz_Hilfiger10. Well, I don't know how but Sandeep got a hint of the same and this bday he gifted my unspoken wish. I consider that a gift of the gab. I treasure it not because of the name, but because he could discover my liking so assiduously.

With the passing of days, while it is imperative that people grow in terms of Knowledge, wealth and success. I do possess neither power nor pelf. All I treasure is great memories. My life is wealthy with the warmth of great friends and friends are my greatest treasure.

My this birthday is famous because I have added some exciting names in my life.

Donna G: The storehouse of warmth and laughter.

Dhara: Well, Imran Khan is very proud of her.

Georgina: I will have coffee with her soon..:p

Dilly: She is a great cricket fan and we have so much to discuss coz we both like the game.

Agni: She is a traveler and I am sure she can share her experiences with me..

And many more who have further enriched my life.

Life as it turns out is smiling now, as I spread my wings. Wings for a better future..

Let's talk about a Catastrophe..Part II

The realms of human heart is as vast as the ocean itself. That is why we are supposed to be the greatest on earth. Out of all our qualities, the virtue of our heart to give makes us stand tall and infallible. We are kind. The kindness we manifest is better than our power to kill. We don't take lives, instead we give it. A hungry tiger will not leave a trembling deer in his hold; but a hungry human can leave its food, for someone who is even more hungry and needy!! An animal acts and a human abstains from Acting..

Yes, I am still talking about charity. The power that refines and defines us. So , the celebrities have the muscle to give and do not shy away from giving. It is true, a charitable act of a celebrity brings publicity first and charity later, but the fact that it contributes to the greater cause is good for us.

Now point to ponder, do the funds raised for charity, actually are well utilized? The transparency matrix of public money is always non vivid. Does the tax payers money get utilized in an accountable manner? The answer is again complex. The pie chart which you make for the utilization %age will have a bigger slice for the money which is never utilized.

Let us look into an example. Last year I and my friend Sandeep participated in a stride against cancer. A NGO by the name of CanSupport organised this event. A walk-a-thon. Walk a mile or a few for supporting the cause. All the famous corporates participated in the event as a part of their CSR Acitivity. Some celebrities of Bollywood also showed up and walked the mile.Superb.The efforts of CanSupport are no doubt praiseworthy. The money raised by this way will be utilized for the support of this cause. Behind this highlighted panorama, there were things noticed by Sandeep. The ensemble of the participants was in a CRPF playground, where you will never see the end of it. For those who, gathered there, refreshments were provided.Refreshments in plenty. Free bees for those who could easily afford those. It looked like as if money already collected, were spent on baseless exuberance. Irony was, there were poor and hungry souls doing their rounds outside the ground; sneaking the extravaganza; only to be faced with the owl eyes of the security personnel. We feed the one whose stomach is already full, while we show aghast to the empty soul. Wonder how the money raised for the cause will actually be delivered? "More than charity, we believe in charity celebration", observing these words, Sandeep handed over his goodies to a needy soul on the street.

The virtues are depleting like the natural resources. Sometimes I consider my personal case.I have not able to disagree with the my taste buds for meat. For me, to resist the temptation of meat and saving the life of an innocent animal(even though that would be just a drop in the ocean) will be a greater charity than to participate in a huge fanfare charity.

And while speaking of animals, in this beautiful earth we all have equal rights to live and co-exist.Yet at times we act like we are devoid of that fact. We kill animals for their meat, horns, fur. We kill their soul to enlighten our needs for a feast.

The pet owners. Their policies of owning a pet has been: own when there is charm and abandon when there is no sheen. The lives of many strays on the street is due to relentless abandonment. The problem is, we don't even stop at abandonment. We despise them when we saw them on the street. We complain that they should be abdicated from the parking space because none of their fault. We don't even show mercy at them, while we go swayed over charity for enumerable causes. I don't understand when World's Health Organisation was found, why did they only include the health of humans and not other spices? We have a UNICEF for children? Why don't we have a UNIAN for animals?

We have PETA. True. But the need of PETA huge, but it is most often downplayed. Why can't we have the act of Philanthropy for PETA or animals?

It stems from my original argument: Charity has more to do with recognition. Any donation for AIDS will receive with applauds ( With due regards for the AIDS victims);but a charity for animals would go unnoticed.

It is really a disgruntled fact that humans never take pride in exercising their potent strength; and when they care for exercising it, it comes with a price.

The catastrophe lies in our hands. We can always turn into a dramatic success!!

Let's talk about a Catastrophe..Part I

Caring sets us apart. The chord of the Human heart is empathetical. So much so the mind, the heart teaches us to look around, see things and ponder upon. The acts follow naturally. By the way, I am talking about charity here. A way which brings contentment to us on the realization that even the world outside our doors are serviced by us.

Like common sense however, Charity is not common to all. At times people put charity after Roti (Food), Kapda (Clothing), Makaan (Shelter).Those who follow Hindu Mythology, would understand the concept of Tyaag. Taking some pains in order that some others get benefited; shedding your precious belongings for others sake; Spending sleepless nights so that others have a peaceful sleep; or as far as the contemporary times go, putting the need of the Team first, and self later. In ancient times, charity was supposed to be duty.Or if anyone believes the tale of the Lord of the Rings, charity came from not holding the devious Ring, but setting it ablaze in the lavas of Mordor and destroying it.

Unfortunately, the time in which we live, Charity is either Corporate compulsion or insidious fashion.

Speaking of Corporate compulsions, I want to bring in the topic of CSR or Corporate Social Responsibility to the table. Corporates run half Marathons, goes into Walk-a-Thon for Cancer support, or very philanthropic deeds of Warren Buffet, or Bill gates and Melinda gates or our beloved Mr Premzi's recent $2 Billion dollar act of Education reform package in India; everyone wants to be part of the race. It is great.

But the pertinent question here is do we want to be the part of the race because everyone else is running? Or Charity runs in our veins?

Example: I got a call from an NGO to contribute to the welfare for old age homes. I said no at first. Later on I saw a couple of colleagues got rewarded at office for contributing to the same NGO. I then followed suit too. Clearly, the purpose was NOT Charity, but recognition.

Take even greater examples: The star ensemble of various movies in bollywood or the sports' newly crown Jewels in India participating in Kaun Banega Crorepati( A popular Game show hosted by Amitabh Bachchan) to raise funds for the deprived children or poor families. Were they offering Charity or promoting their latest flicks or heralding their rise a Sportsmen for better Sponsorships? Nevertheless, KBC's TRP was on a rise!! Alas Charity!!

So the purpose is everything but Charity.

Hooligans will however say, who cares how the money is raised! The triumph lies in the fact that the money is raised for Charity.

(To be continued on Part II)

Oh God!! Is this Happiness?

It is great that we wait till this time of the year. Because this is the time when we fetch some happiness or at least try to be happy. Festive times are back; so does happiness!!

Better still; are the manifestations. The application for a week long leave from work and the resulting scuffle with the colleague. The festival spirit keeps your energy bowl to the brim, and like Lord Rama did conquer Ravana, you hope that you overcome every unholy friend of yours, who stride against you for his/her chance of a holiday. And this is a mutually exclusive event, one must win. or better yet, you must win.

Your battle is not over yet. The reservation for a berth in the express train is hardly a possibility in the crunch moments. Hence you plan your travel and book in advance, unless you think that your leave stands standstill. So you are in a catch 22. Until you book tickets, you can't board the train;and unless your reason for boarding the train is approved by your boss, you would hardly book the tickets.

Suddenly you realize, your best friend is getting married and he is away in Manchester. He sends you a return ticket for the marriage. Whilst you gesticulate your friend's largess, you chose to turn his offer down. You only regret, happiness comes as a package; you can't have it all..

All sacrifices made above takes you to Home sweet home. Perhaps, it is the parents that completes your home. When you meet them and other family members and have a family luncheon, you feel blessed. You tend to forget the hard times before.

A ray of light and a few hopes. Thats why you tend to live life. A festivity like Diwali brings people closer. Even for a few days, be it poor or rich everyone enjoys it. More or less, all our hard work summon to realise the passions of festivities. We don't toil to just decay us. Even the momentary laughter and brimming smiles repairs the wear and tear of the body that goes through tough times during the year.

You are so happy, you want to gift a purple jacket to the girl you love and knowing fully that she does not reciprocate the same to you..You send diwali cards and messages to all and sundry.You spoil yourself and spoil everyone.

On an entirely different note, you enjoy throwing crackers on to the strays...ridicule them when they are spooked. You tend to over play your happiness. You downplay the life of other lives. It is everyone's opinion that sometimes even the nature face the brunt of our happiness. Speeding gigs, racing gentlemen and the sumptuous feast. While you enjoy chicken, you also took its life.

It is time, happiness should translate good thought and make everyone responsible. Otherwise, happiness will not keep us for long.

Ajay Devgun ka Gusse ka Istyle!!

2010, is so far Salman Khan's year if the issue in point is Bollywood. With the success of Dabbang, Salman seems to be enjoying a meteoric rise and we are all enjoying it!!

There is however another off the track actor, who is having a good time this year, Ajay Devgun. With films like Atithi..., Once upon a time in Mumbai, Rajneeti, he is making sure that he is an actor to reckon with. While Atithi is a saga he does not seem to enjoy much, the movie got a mixed response.More than Paresh Rawal, Ajay seem to be the Aithi in the movie, considering comedy definitely does not run through his veins much. Golmaal and All the Best are however exceptions.But all credit does not go to him and we all know the reason.

So, tabhi shayad Ajay Devgun ko gussa ata hain? And that is why he lands himself up in movies like Rajneeti and Once upon a time in Mumbai.

In Rajneeti, Mr.Devgun revs up the anger ante; considering his character goes through rejection, dejection and he had to fight his way up with some Seumas ways of vindictiveness. But did he do justice to his role? Reviews apart, I really don't think that he did justice to the role. Considering the fact that the character Suraj was a subtle adaptation of KARN of the epic MAHABHARATA. Now consider the impact of KARN, in MAHABHARATA and compare the impact and presence of Suraj in Rajneeti.Sorry Devgn saab, you disappointed us badly.Now you will try to justify saying that there was an ensemble star cast in the movie, and you didn't get much scope to improvise. Then how about LOC..Kargil. In that movie, the star cast was even bigger. But the uniform of the Rajputana did the magic for you. You were arguably the only good thing about LOC...

Ask yourself Devgn saab, yeh kya ho raha hain? Ever consider transposing your anger styles? Example, In London Dreams, you played a rock star Arjun(sorry, but u dint looklike one), Arjun carried very deep anguish inside which was a way too much.Considering what was Arjun going through was admirable, but that does not make him eligible for a brutal torture on the body by himself. Meaning to say, that anger was not appropriate in that movie for the character. As a rockstar, you carry an ex-factor and not an array of fury. Now that anger was missing in the eyes of Suraj. You carried away by Gussa, you could have been carried away by the style...Nevertheless, one compliment to you, that you could play Arjun and Karn(Suraj), back to back with considerable ease.Thats make a great Actor out of you.

Anyways Devgn saab, you seem to have been rescued by Sultan Mirza. You played that role with a refreshing machismo. You sleepwalked the role; you smiled when you were required to; you showed anger when you were expected of; and you became romantic, when you were supposed to.In short, Once upon...is your best work in recent times and you introduced a new Istyle of acting which worked well for you and entertained the viewers.

Now we are eagerly awaiting, which new style Devgn saab brings in his forthcoming movies.

ALL THE BEST Devgn saab.:-)